Internal Documents Name Multiple Alternatives
By Mark M. Bello
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a federal judge ordered President Donald Trump’s name removed from the Kennedy Center, White House officials announced the creation of a new commission charged with identifying federal properties “more consistent with the Trump brand.”
The commission, packed with Trump loyalists, is formally known as the DJT Naming Rights Recovery Task Force. It began meeting within minutes of the ruling.
“President Kennedy got a center. President Trump deserves something bigger,” one aide explained. “Or, perhaps, louder.”
According to internal documents, dozens of replacement sites are already under consideration. A source close to the commission tells And Justice for All that the two leading candidates for renaming are:
- A White House restroom currently under renovation would be renamed the Donald J. Trump Presidential Throne Room.
- A certain remote Caribbean island currently for sale would be purchased above list and become the 51st state, tentatively to be known as “Thanks for the Memories” Island. (White House lawyers refused to comment after regaining consciousness.)
According to planning documents, the official throne room commemorative plaque would read:
“Dedicated to future presidents who find themselves in urgent need of a place to sit and reflect on the legacy of Donald J. Trump.”
Critics argue that the facility would quickly become known as “the place where presidents go to dump on Trump.”
While commission insiders have refused to comment for the record, they confirm the restroom would feature gold sink and commode fixtures, gold wallpaper, gold mirrors, gold hand dryers, and even gold toilet paper. A gold-plated douche would be named “Douche from a Douchebag.” The room would also feature a second gold plaque expressing gratitude to a “royal ass.”
Other naming-rights candidates include:
- A famous Kentucky sinkhole, described by administration officials as “a natural monument to things sinking or collapsing, like Trump’s approval ratings.”
- A federal Supermax prison, where Trump reportedly proposes to pardon inmates and replace them with undocumented immigrants.
- A sulfur-processing facility in Louisiana. Trump reportedly told reporters, “People say it smells. Is that good or bad?”
- The D O G E-Lost-and-Found.
- The National Museum of Narcissism.
- The National Insurrection, Sedition, and Emoluments Definition Center
- The Federal Bureau of Missing Classified Documents.
As the search widened (which often happens when the Trump name is involved), administration officials say they are also considering “tone.”
When a reporter asked for clarification, one official, commenting on a condition of anonymity, admitted that the administration is negotiating with Crayola to replace the color “orange” with Executive Orange™. Examples under consideration in this category are:
- The Official White House Halloween Pumpkin.
- The first orange harvested each season in Florida,
- Every mango imported through the Port of Miami,
- A newly discovered species of clownfish.
Support for the new naming effort is mixed. Scientists, when asked about the possibility of naming rust after Trump, argued that corrosion already has image problems.
Spalding and Wilson balked at renaming basketballs to honor Trump due to fears that it might give “dribble” a bad name.
Sources say the President remains optimistic.
“Kennedy got a center,” Trump remarked. “I should at least get a throne.”
Editor’s Note: This exclusive reporting was first published June 9 in Mark Bello’s And Justice for All Substack, and is reprinted here with Bello’s permission. We are exceedingly grateful that we are permitted to share this piece, which mainstream media has ignored. Bello notes that the White House is actively seeking naming-rights ideas.So, if you have an idea to recommend to the Commission, please post it as a comment below and And Justice for All will pass it along to the Commission as a public service. Thank you.
Mark M. Bello is an attorney and award-winning author of the Zachary Blake Legal Thriller Series, ripped-from-the-headlines, realistic fiction that speaks truth to power and champions the rights of citizens in our justice system. These novels are dedicated to the social justice movement. They educate, spark discussion, and inspire readers to action. One of these was “Betrayal of Justice, a blistering novel about presidential misconduct and hypocrisy” For more information, please visit www.markmbello.com.